Cosmic Gardener – Cultivating a Life

TIME is a human place marker.

Every day we have opportunity to grow our soul. Possibility to be more thoughtful, kinder, forgiving, less judgmental. In person, or not.

Today I had the chance to challenge some assumptions based on what I thought I heard a friend say. In showing up, speaking my truth and asking for what I wanted in our exchange we reconnected on the deep level that is our foundation.

“Honest conversation may be the most revolutionary act of our time.”
~ David Korten

Take no risk and there is no reward.
Keys # 45

The Void is the soil of the soul.

Twas I then.
Tis not I now.

This archaic phrase recently found its way to the short list of sayings that have encoded themselves in my memory bank at first hearing. The chord these few words struck in me continues to resonate.

They not only speak to me of the roles and personas we assume and discard in a lifetime but also to those times when we arrive at an abyss or crossroads and the only way out or forward is to begin empty. Those times when we must face not knowing, trust the process, and embrace its unfolding. To willingly die to who we were in order to be born to who we may become.  Or not.

Who you were
Is not who you are
Unless you want it to be.
Keys #3

Death and Disability are not respecters of either chronology or circumstance. In the big scheme of things it all boils down to relationships. Give priority to the ones that are important to you and keep them current.

Give today what is in your heart.
Keys #24

The other day in friendly banter a chum asserted, “Well I’m just a creature of habit.” A statement far from true for this friend who tries on new experiences like some do clothes. I challenged the comment. His response, “Change is a habit!” In that heartbeat my thoughts shifted from the assumption that being a creature of habit was just an excuse for inappropriate behavior to maybe not so much.

Change has not always been a friend of mine; forget making a habit of it. Early in my getting-it-together years I sat in a Leo Buscaglia audience and listened to him rhapsodize about “The glory of the life that embraces change.” Yah. Right. At that time in my life if rollercoaster had been a sport mine would have reflected the extreme version. I was a bit taken aback by his bold and what seemed to me Pollyanna statement but out of respect for his thinking I committed to look at change through a softer lens.

Venice Bloodworth, a teacher and author from another era influenced my thinking early on:
“When change begins to occur one of two things is going to happen,
you are either going to end up in a better position or you are going backward,
and whatever occurs will be in strict accord with your predominant state of mind.” 

 I had already figured out that, ‘The one thing on which you can rely is Change’ (Keys #35) so I decided to begin to expect and embrace positive constructive change. I have since come to believe that Change is not only a Constant, Cosmic, Challenge but also inherently a part of the human DNA.

Change is a habit. Make it a good one.

Some months ago a friend (to many) died and on Father’s Day this year one of his sons published a tribute website. My friend, his father, was a gifted and prolific essayist although it was not and had never been a vocational pursuit.

Periodically the site is updated. A recent addition, Doors Open, had me at the title and the piece did not disappoint. It reminded me that life is a process. Sometimes we find ourselves on the outside looking in. Sometimes we feel locked in with no exit visible. And sometimes we get caught in the hallway between doors opening and closing.

                                                    For every door that closes
                                                     there is a new beginning.

                                                      Every broken moment
                                                    brings a new awareness.

                                                        Every lesson learned
                                              a promise of fresh application.
                                                                   Keys #2

The Teacher’s question is not, “What do you want to do?” rather “Who do you want to be?”

Several people in my circle are at a “What’s Next?” stage in their lives. As each, in their own time, moves beyond the question of ‘What do you want to do?’ to ‘Who do you want to be?’ they have begun to find clarity and a sense of balance.

It is a good place to start any journey.

Who you were
Is not who you are
Unless you want it to be.
Keys # 3

The thing about assumptions
 is no more can you make them of others
than they can make them of you.
Keys #48

Assumptions often lead to expectations.

When you have expectations of someone
it’s like you have asked them to assume a role
before you have given them a chance to read the script.
Keys # 50

Expectations often lead to disappointment. Disapproval, scolding and fault-finding are all markers on the continuum of disappointment.

Be mindful of your assumptions before you act.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The Monk on the Block recently returned from a vacation in paradise, Hawaii at its most charming. Contrary to the seemingly peaceful ambiance of this eden was the array of signs to be found there warning of potential hazards and risks in the area. On reflection the incongruence seemed to him a metaphor for life and when he got home he had this tee shirt made –

Take no risk and there is no reward.
Keys # 45

Life beckons us. The promise of adventure is alluring; a new friendship or love interest, a trip, the possibility of stimulating work.  ‘Yes!’ we say. And ‘Yes!’ again. Sometimes though we pretend not to hear the still small voice that invites us to try something new, do something different or in some other way step out of our comfort zone. Those voices often nag at us and continue to get louder until we relent, and say ‘Yes!’ yet again.

No matter why we say ‘Yes!’ to life, our journey will not always be smooth.  There will be highs and lows and bumps along the way, and there will be loss. In our hurt we will say ‘Ouch’ and may find ourselves at a fork in the road where one of the choices is a path that leads to gratitude.

Reflection on the lessons learned along the way often leads us to an appreciation for the love and support we have been given and for the ways in which we have grown, and in that sense of gratitude once more we say ‘Yes!’ to life.

The yellow brick road is not always smooth.
Keys #52

Over lunch the other day a friend spoke of a life-long pattern of repeatedly confronting circumstances that presented opportunities to make decisions about whether to hold on or to let go. It seems a common dilemma. After much pondering it occurred to me that the underlying and bigger issue here is really about the courage to face change and the ability to make choices.

• Do you hold onto the vision of a perfect relationship or let it go and accept the reality of a flawed one?
• Do you hold onto the hope of reinvigorating a dying career or let it go and reinvent your work life?
• Do you hold onto old hurts and wrongs or let go of them, consider forgiveness and embrace healing?
• Do you hold onto disappointments or let go of expectations?
• Do you hold onto an old persona or let go of the mask of who you were?
• Do you hold onto the known or let go of your fear of the unknown and face it?

The decision to Hold On or to Let Go, rather than representing opposite choices  seems more of a continuum. The choices we make in the short term are subject to the ongoing changes that Life presents us; sometimes we make decisions to hold onto something that later we choose to release.

When you have to clutch at something to keep it in your grasp
your grip will soon weaken from the boredom.
Keys #59

We all face the potential of sudden and unexpected loss whether it is the end of a way of life or the death of a loved one. Yet often we go through life reacting to external pressures, caught up in imagined shoulds or have to’s and failing to set priorities or establish appropriate boundaries. In so doing we do not always spend quality time with those we love the most or make time to do the things that are most important to us.

Be here now is more than a platitude. Being present is saying YES to life and living one day at a time (sometimes in twenty minute increments). With practice we learn that we always have choices and we come to accept that “it is what it is.”

Recent global disasters and political upheavals remind us that Life is precious. There is only here. There is only now. It is a sacred place.

Give today what is in your heart.
Keys #24

When chatting with my brother the other day he related some of the changes going on in his life and said, “When one door closes another opens.” I started thinking about that phenomenon. While evidence of its pattern proliferates it is rarely a smooth transition and not one most embrace willingly.

Sometimes when we make the transit from the door that closes to the opening one we come unhinged.

“When change begins to occur one of two things is going to happen, you
are either going to end up in a better position or you are going backward, and
whatever occurs will be in strict accord with your predominant state of mind.”
Key to Yourself ~Venice Bloodworth

Sometimes we spend (a lot of) time in the hallway, in limbo, in between doors.

“Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself.” ~St. Francis de Sales

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” ~Leo Tolstoy

Moving forward, sometimes there is more than one door to choose from.

For every door that closes there is a new beginning.
Every broken moment brings a new awareness,
Every lesson learned a promise of fresh application.
Keys #2

Every now and then a window opens in our life that provides an opportunity for quantum healing and growth. In the past year a friend passed through such a portal experiencing multiple foundation-shattering challenges, a life threatening health crisis and house fire among them.

Wanting to support my bright, accomplished and caring friend I sought words to comfort her after the events that had so disturbed her roots. I thought about how bare root transplants often become the hardiest plants, and in considering the design of a new life garden I encouraged her to include the seeds of Health, Hope and Clarity.

Health is more than the absence of symptoms.

All it takes is one bloom of Hope to make a spiritual garden.  ~Terri Guillemets
Once you choose Hope, anything’s possible.  ~Christopher Reeve

When you recognize confusion
you are well on your way to clearing things up.
Keys #8