Cosmic Gardener – Cultivating a Life

The path to finding yourself, knowing yourself, being yourself and sharing yourself* is often bumpy but the commitment to undertake the journey is a valid and worthwhile intention.

If you can’t be yourself –  then why are you here?

* Cosmic Gardener 2/16/2013

In her book, “Not Becoming My Mother” Ruth Reichl relates advice given to her young mother in the 1930s. “You must use your most outstanding characteristics in choosing a career. Idle aptitudes cause restlessness and may detract from success and happiness.”

The antithesis of idle aptitudes may be what Barbara Marx Hubbard calls vocational arousal. Informed by the work of her colleague Abraham Maslow in the 1960s, she suggests that it occurs when you are doing chosen work and take self-rewarding action that is both “intrinsically valuable to your own growth and simultaneously of service to others”.

Most of us have experienced the often debilitating melancholy that accompanies unexpressed gifts, talents and abilities; those times that for whatever reasons our aptitudes lay fallow. Undoubtedly fewer of us are familiar with the ecstasy of vocational arousal. If we expand the concept into a framework of occupational arousal (being in right place with how we spend our time) I think we are more likely to find our bliss.

Being in right place transcends the physical. Finding alignment mentally, emotionally, psychically and spiritually helps us to reach our potential. When we are rightly aligned I believe we are motivated to make the world a better place.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come  alive”.
~ Howard Thurman

 Be wary of idle aptitudes.

To have a critical eye is generally considered a good attribute. Discerning. Having a keen sense of observation. Not missing much. It can be a blessing or a curse. How you frame what you see defines your experience.

When what you observe doesn’t match your perception of reality (how others “should” look or behave for instance) do you find fault with what you see or do you embrace the consideration that there might be another way to look at things?

When you encounter situations, systems or relationships that seem not to be working do you find fault with what you see or do you draw on your insight to suggest what you consider positive, constructive alternatives?

Using the gift of keen insight to creatively problem solve and facilitate positive constructive change can be a blessing. Allowing a critical eye to lead to negative fault finding can be a curse.

For years a friend has used the phrase “Love is a choice” professionally and as an email signature. Rather than continue to presume I knew, recently I asked her to tell me what that meant to her. She was stumped.

Ever since I have been thinking about what it means to me.

It seems to me that Choice is the dynamic. The fulcrum. More powerful than love. Love is the given. We can choose to accept it, embrace it, share it, be it …or not.

I choose love. It is not always an easy choice.

We may have different classmates in different classes in Earth School. But we always have classmates.

These birds are on a cabinet in my family room. I found the photo of the grumpy owl and the peace bird was a gift. I thought they belonged together to remind me that when I was out of sorts I could choose peace.

Reflect         Reframe           Release

Most of us express many different personas in a lifetime. Key among them are the identity formed within our family of origin, the outpicturing of who we become through our formative years, the face we present in our maturity and the travelers we become beyond.

Within each phase we often assume a variety of roles, shaping multiple facets of our personality in the process. Periodically (on the anniversary of our natal day or at the new year perhaps) it is a good thing to not only reflect on who we have been but also to make choices about who we want to be in the present.

To see the big picture we might need to reframe our stories. In the process it is important to make conscious choices about who we want to leave in the picture and which faces and roles don’t fit our framework anymore. When we take steps to release old hurts and dead weight we get a leg up on the next phase of our journey.

 A variation of the process is a helpful tool for keeping current in the now –
Analyze      Synthesize       Neutralize

 The next step is not the last step.
It is just the next step.
CG 6-17-2012

The more unconditionally we love a person or an animal the more they trust us. Unconditional love is respectful. Respect fosters trust which in turn allows for intimacy. In-to-me-see.

It seems to me that we spend most of our lives defined by external identifiers. Family ties. Relationships. Employment. Community involvement. Some roles are assigned to us. Some we embrace with intent. Often it takes a role change or the loss of a starring role for us to question our identity. Who are we? Really?

Recently I have been motivated to sort and purge. As I have gone through files, sifted through correspondence, waded into closets and winnowed out things it occurred to me that our stuff also represents external identifiers. Who are we without all our props? At our core, our heart center?

We don’t all have to take the same classes to get a well rounded education in Earth School. We can expand our understanding by taking advantage of other people’s homework; by studying the way other people live their lives and by listening to or reading their stories and reflecting on their pop quizzes and lessons learned.

By telling our stories we in turn share our homework, which often helps others with their coursework.

We all have stories.

Life events sometimes bring us to our knees. We lose the roof over our head. A family member gets really sick. During those times that are the hardest it is our relationships that continue to give us meaning. Solidarity in the face of hardship; unconditional love, loyalty and support.

Our core relationships are the threads that define our life tapestries. There for us through thick and thin.

Healing the world starts with healing our relationship with ourselves, with becoming whole, integrating and embracing the many facets of our lives. We become part of a revolution for good when we work to heal our fragmented relationships with others and with the earth, and by helping others to heal their own fragmented ones.

There is hope for the world when we choose to make peace with ourselves and take action to heal All Our Relations. Albert Schweitzer called it “Reverence for Life”, a philosophy that awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize.

I have been thinking that coming home to ourselves is really what our journey is all about; to find ourselves on life’s path. And in our travels to develop our capacity to master the mundane and our potential to connect with the better angels of our nature*, and in so doing, to do our part to make the world a better place.

* Abraham Lincoln referenced “the better angels of our nature” in his 1st inaugural address.

In the end the only thing that really matters is our relationships, and that we do our best to make the world a better place.

You don’t need to be in a classroom to be a teacher. You never know when you cast a shadow and you don’t always know when you are the Light. You are always on camera.

We are all teachers and we are all students.

A friend has been troubled about a family member’s overuse and often downward spiraling repetition of Why? It’s not that Why? is inherently a bad question. To some questions however there are no answers. In this case, rather than accept an unsatisfying answer or that maybe it just “is what it is” the questioner often seems to be seeking the unanswerable and doesn’t demonstrate much interest in either resolve or moving on. He keeps doggedly digging up the Why? bone.

When used to fuel a no-win and never ending conversation Why? can become toxic. When it begins with curiosity Why? can lead to adventure and innovation and when it becomes Why not? it can be a catalyst for action that can change the world.

  “The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”
~Albert Einstein